Suppose two opposing armies drawn up in the field, and that a knight arrives whom both armies invite to fight on their side; he makes is choice, is vanquishes and taken prisoner. As prisoner, he is brought before the victor, to whom he foolishly presumes to offer his services on the same terms as were extended to him before the battle. Would not the victor say to him: My friend, you are now my prisoner; there was indeed a time when you could have chosen differently, but not everything is changed…. “One who throws a stone has power over it until he has thrown it, but not afterwards” (Aristotle). Otherwise throwing would be an illusion; the thrower would keep the stone in his hand in spite of all his throwing.

I look back now at what I cast my stones into—web design, writing, and music—and wonder what it had been like had I cast my stones elsewhere.

There are days I still dream of being a psychologist or a counselor, as if that were a stone I could still cast. (I can’t say that I’m entirely convinced that it’s not.) I’ve taken a slew of career assessment tests that tell me what job I’d be most suited for, and all of them list psychology or counseling as the top profession. At the time I was casting these stones (college), this wasn’t even a consideration of mine. I didn’t have any real interest in psychology until my senior year or so, so I don’t have any formal training in it, and that’s not really a field you can get into without a Master’s degree.

There are days I wonder what my life would be like had I stuck with music rather than switching to an English major in college. (Career assessment tests list the creation of art as my second career fit.) I play at my church with a group of actual, professional musicians, and it’s a completely different world. If one of my friends wanted me to play on an album they were recording, I would feel honored; if that same friend wanted one of them to play on an album, it would cost $1000. And that’s okay—that’s what they do, they’re professionals, and they really are that good. I can’t say I’ve given up on raising my skill to somewhere around that level, but I don’t have a professional excuse to practice and I feel that I’m way behind the curve.

I don’t believe in fate or destiny. That’s something I feel I should stress. I believe in the ultimate power of choice. So I don’t wonder if I was “meant to be” somewhere else. And I don’t say any of this to suggest that I’m unhappy with where I am. I just wonder if I would be happier (or better at what I do) had I cast my stones elsewhere. It’s one of those imponderables that has no real bearing on life. It’s outside of my sphere of influence, and can actually distract me from what I’m doing now. It’s just something I still wonder about, you know? I’m a ponderer. I ponder things.

Anyway, just some random musings from me. Feel free to comment with stones that you’ve cast that you wonder about—I’d like to hear about them.