It pays to keep tabs on your old projects.

One of my employer’s internal, lead-generation sites had fallen into disuse. We basically weren’t doing anything to send traffic there anymore, so we’d kind of forgotten about it. On the site was a toll-free number that you could call to help you search for a school. Well, when we stopped using the site, we stopped using the phone number as well.

Of course, the site was registered for a number of years, so it didn’t just go away; but the phone number… Well, when we stopped paying for that, it went back on the market. And someone else snatched it up. Now, the phone number (which was, until today, still posted on the website) is a gay sex chat line. So people in California looking for schools got quite a shock when they called looking for help in continuing their education.

So I think a new slogan is in order. Here are some suggestions:

• When we say we’re a full-service ad agency, we mean we are a FULL-SERVICE ad agency
• We bend over backwards to service you
• A full-service ad agency—with benefits
• Gaying up the Internet since 1989

First design of the new year.

Really, I just got bored during the onslaught of football games. I don’t even know that we need a design for the label, since we have an existing website. Granted, it is a template—but it’s a really good one.

Set this as your desktop wallpaper, then call them over to look at it.

It’s been a while since my last blog post. Even though I’m a day late, I thought some Christmas lore would be fun to share with you.

Everyone has bad days at work, and Santa is no exception. The Christmas of 1890 had a record number of lit fireplaces that made gift-delivering exceptionally hard. But nothing beats the Christmas of 1972. There was no one disaster that made this a bad Christmas for Santa, but rather a multitude of smaller but serious problems everywhere.

Half of Santa’s elves got sick with a double-whammy of mono and whooping cough. Temp elves were brought in, but temp elves are not skilled in toy production, which meant double-overtime to meet toy deadlines. Three of the reindeer were on maternity leave, and one had been sent away to a clinic to deal with an undisclosed addiction. The sleigh had begun to show signs of stress over the years, but finally gave in and required some repairs just a few days before Christmas. A loaner sleigh was granted Santa, but it was an older model without heating.

In the midst of all of this, Mrs. Claus announced that her family would be coming up for a visit. They’d never seen eye-to-eye. Let’s just say they didn’t approve of his career choice.

Christmas Eve came and poor Santa had reached his limit. He poured a cup of coffee and reached for the whiskey only to find the liquor cabinet empty and surrounded by hoofprints. In his frustration, he dropped the coffeepot, which broke into a hundred tiny shards and stained his favorite carpet. When he went to fetch the broom, he found that mice had eaten the straw, rendering it useless.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Santa drudged over to the door, letting lose a string of most un-merry obscenities. When he opened it, he didn’t see anyone. He almost shut the door, when he heard a petite-sounding little cough close to the ground. He looked down at the ground and saw the tiniest little angel carrying with it a great big Christmas tree.

The angel gazed up at Santa, smiling warmly. Finally, Santa exclaimed, “Well, what do you want?”

The angel replied, in the most pleasant voice, “Oh, Santa, the merriest of Christmases to you! I hope I’ve caught you at a good time. I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn’t this just the loveliest tree? Where would you like me to stick it?”

And that is why the angel sits atop the Christmas tree.

I just got the upgrade to Windows 7 at work and was pleased to find that it had a bundled copy of the Helvetica font. If you don’t know, Helvetica was a font that pretty much changed the graphic design industry; Arial is a cheap knock-off that Microsoft made because they couldn’t get the rights to Helvetica in their original OS.

Now bear in mind, the only people who are really going to notice the difference between Arial and Helvetica are font snobs like myself. There are actual differences. But, for the most part, nobody cares. So owning Helvetica is really some sort of geek pride thing, although I would find myself using it in a few designs.

I typed up a document and changed the font to Helvetica. That’s when I saw it. Take a look at this screenshot. One of those is Arial and one is Helvetica. Can you spot the difference?

No. You can’t. Because there is no difference. Microsoft copied Arial and renamed it Helvetica. They thought they could get away with it because nobody would notice. But I’m letting the world know.

I mean, seriously…

What if Windows 7 came bundled with movie stars?

What if Windows 7 came bundled with movies?

What if Windows 7 came bundled with pop stars?

What if Windows 7 came bundled with kids’ shows?

What if Windows 7 came bundled with restaurants?

Microsoft, have you no shame? Well, I take that back. There are worse things they could have done.

I’m on a roll! I also made some guesses as to the Meyers-Briggs types for the characters in Firefly/Serenity. I’m only doing main characters, so I didn’t cover all 16 types. Here’s the list:

“Mal” Malcolm Renolds – INTJ
River Tam – INTP
Simon Tam – ISFJ
Zoe Washburne – ISTJ
Hoban “Wash” Washburne – ESFP
Jayne Cobb – ISTP
Shepherd Book – ESTJ
Inara Serra – ENFJ
Kaylee Frye – ENFP

And here’s your bonus type:

The Operative (antagonist from the movie) – ISTJ

This is an interesting one for a number of reasons. One, the results are pretty spread out. We’ve got a near-equal amount from each archetype. Two, the traditional hero and villain personality types are switched. (INTJ is the classic villain type, and ISTJ is the classic hero type.) Granted, Mal isn’t your typical hero and the Operative isn’t your typical villain, which is part of why this series and the movie were so interesting.

If you don’t already know, I’m a big fan of the Meyers-Briggs Type Index. I’m also a big fan of the show Dexter. That got me thinking about typology again, as I’ve done for Lost and Harry Potter characters.

The challenge here was that the show doesn’t focus on a variety of people in a common situation—it focuses on people who are mostly working the same job. So the results are skewed heavily toward sensors and judgers. I still found it interesting, though.

Most of the main characters fall into the Guardian (SJ) camp, which makes sense, as most of them are in law enforcement. Maria LaGuerta is our ESTJ, which suits her well as head of the department. James Doakes is an ISTJ. Angel Batista is pretty clearly an ESFJ, although, interestingly enough, I also put Rita Bennett in this camp. Very different people, but there are a lot of similarities as well. Harry Morgan is an ISFJ. I knew Arthur Mitchell belonged somewhere in this camp, but I wasn’t sure quite where to put him. I ended up labeling him an ISFJ, although that could be slightly off.

Perceivers are very curious folks, so it’s no surprise that both of our lab geeks fall into the Artisan (SP) camp. Vince Masuka is an ESTP, and Dexter Morgan is very clearly an ISTP. Anton Briggs (remember him?) is an ESFP, I believe. I couldn’t get a real feel for his character, so don’t quote me on that. In our ISFP slot, we have the lovely, talented Lila Tournay. She made the perfect foil for Dexter because she was so similar to him.

We’ve got a few Rationals (NTs), all of the Judging type. Debra Morgan and Frank Lundy are both ENTJs, and Joey Quinn is our token INTJ.

Idealists (NFs) don’t have much of a place in Dexter’s world, but that makes sense. The only one I can think of is the new-this-season Lumen Ann Pierce, whom I believe is an INFJ. She’s probably pretty close on the Extravert/Introvert scale, though. Other than that, Cody probably belongs somewhere in here, but I don’t know where.

I wasn’t sure where to place Astor. I welcome any suggestions.

WTF is this picture?

Here’s one for all of my grammar nerd friends: Reasoning with Vampires, a site which tears apart the Twilight series. An excerpt:

I was too terrified to close my eyes, though the cool forest air whipped around my face and burned them.

SYNTACTICAL AMBIGUITY
How many faces does Bella have?

---

Bella asked about Edward’s age; Edward dithered about telling her.

“I wonder if it will upset you,” he reflected to himself.

What just happened?
(a) Yes, Bella, he is talking to you. You can tell because he addressed you.
(b) Edward is addressing himself in second person, wondering if he’ll upset himself. He might be a little schizo. He does hear voices, after all.
(c) DAMNIT, STEPHENIE.

I’m probably geeking out a little too much over this, but I’ve read about six pages so far and I can’t stop reading it.

Exiting the supermarket today, I spied a license plate that simply said, “TOO GOD.” Let me use that in a sentence for you.

“Was that God? I don’t know… It was a little too God.”

That’s right. God is an adjective.