When life gives you llamas, make llamanade.

Lyrist’s Locution: your #1 source for locution pudding!

Seriously, who’s searching for this?

Both actual Google searches that led to my site. I’m going to become the go-to resource for all of your locution pudding and sardonian root needs. Expect full write-ups sometime soon.

When you think about truly American art forms, it doesn’t take long, because there aren’t many. Art Deco was just a spin-off of Art Nouveau. We’ve got Andy Warhol, but he’s just a spin-off of LSD and Campbell’s soup. We’ve got cheeseburgers and reality television. A lot of people say jazz is the greatest American art form, but I beg to differ. I propose that the Muppets are the greatest American art form, and for obvious reasons.

Without Muppets, we’d not only be without Kermit, Piggy, and Gonzo—we’d also be without Yoda, E.T., and Ross Perot. Imagine childhood or late-90s political cartoons without them!

Man, I think this coffee ice cream is really getting to me.

Alright, who surfed in from Osijek, Croatia just to vote for the Slackers of Valhalla? Who would have thought that Slackers of Valhalla would be the most popular option, anyway?

Also, thank you to whomever voted for Winsome Dysphoria. I made up the name as a joke, but I kind of like it now.

Zoey and I are looking for some new websites to read.

What would you, my readers (both of you) suggest?

For those who don’t know, Petfinder.com is a great place to find a pet. You can search an area for keywords (either characteristics or breeds), and limit a search by size, age, and a number of other factors. But the best part is that all of these pets come from shelters. So you’re actually adopting homeless pets (something I feel strongly about). We found both of our cats on PetFinder, and they’re great cats.

Anyway, Janelle and I are watching television right now to kill some time before the big basketball game. (Not that I’ll watch it or really care that it’s on. I’ll be playing Final Fantasy X, thank you very much.) We were actually watching a special on Animal Planet about obese pets when something caught my attention. The next show was actually called PetFinder. Intrigued, I watched on.

Sure enough, the show was actually produced by the same people who made the website. That’s right—there’s actually a reality television show about using a website to find a pet. Well, they don’t really actually use the website—professional pet finders use the website, and then come in and show the family the animals that they find. There’s a short bio on the family looking for a pet, showing their personalities and preferences, just like on those house shows on HGTV. They even have minor emergencies, such as an animal falling into the pool—an animal that can’t swim! Oh my goodness, that dog just sunk like a rock.

So I feel like kind of a loser for watching this show (even if I can justify it by saying that it’s just blogging fodder). And then guess what comes on the television? One of the commercials my company put out, advertising continuing education. This means that someone in our Media department determined that people watching this show are likely to either be unemployed or stuck in a dead-end jobs. It’s kind of ironic that they determined that I was the target audience for getting more education so I can get a better job, but I actually work for them.

Animal Planet also has a show coming up called Creature Comforts, which is basically just a comedy show that talks about things like angry drivers with the catch that the people delivering the jokes are actually claymation animals. Hey, claymation animals—we can put that on Animal Planet. Very clever way to add some variety to your programming, guys.

Remember newpaper comic strips? The ones that aren’t really funny? Here are some improvements:

Garfield Minus Garfield – It’s amazing how much funnier these are when you just remove that silly cat.

Peanuts Meets Marvel – What Spiderman, Captain America, and a host of others would look like if drawn by Schultz.

Dysfunctional Family Circus – So wrong, but some of these are way too funny. (Warning: very crude!)

I’m not really a dog person. I never really liked the fact that you need to go home and let them out. Also, most are too stupid to be trained to do anything useful (unlike, say, cats).

Well, for all the people out there like me, here’s a dog you can love!

Make sure to watch until they actually kick it.

… of college basketball.