Two hours and one long phone call with Mina later, I get off the phone and start talking to Janelle, and she remembers, “Where’s Sherlock?” It was 8:30 at this point, so I decided to go check on him in case he was hurt or anything.

Sure enough, he was still under the bed, looking around as if some fierce creature had been stalking him. I pet him for a bit, but he kept looking around. Then, I felt it: a rough patch under his arm that didn’t really feel like fur. No, it wasn’t poop that had somehow made its way up to his arm. My first thought was that it was dried blood from some sort of epic kitty battle. I pulled him out without too much protest and discovered that he had somehow wrapped a plastic shopping bag around his entire body. He was probably playing with it, got it wrapped around his body, and then started walking off when he heard a rustling behind him so he took off running and the rustling got louder and followed him everywhere he went. He was probably under the bed for at least four hours.

I tore the bag off of him, but not before Janelle and I laughed our asses off at his misfortune. I think he’s chowing down on food and water right now. I really wish I had some video of the events leading up to him hiding under the bed. This is why I need a video camera in my house.

Not quite as exciting as I originally thought, but now you can say you know what it looks like.

Anyway, that story is boring. What’s fun is that Zoey also had some dental work done this week. He had one tooth pulled entirely, and we found out we’re going to have to brush his teeth once a day for the rest of his life.

Exciting. Expect a video.

Anyway, we were surprised when we took him out of the crate to find that the vet’s office had dressed him up a bit. He’s still kind of drugged, so I don’t think he’s even noticed that it’s there. We’ll see how long that lasts.

Click here for the results!

So we’re actually trying to exercise Zoey now, since he spends approximately 95% of the time laying down, and we’re finding that he’s not quite as graceful as he used to be. We found and deployed his favorite toy: a stick with a string with a toy on the end. He’ll chase after that for a little while, and then eventually fall over. I am not making this up. He’ll then continue to try to grab the toy from the ground. That’s right: he won’t even get up. Sometimes he’ll even swat at the toy once or twice and then meow and run away, as if he’s actually afraid to exercise.

The positive side of this is that it opens the window for all kinds of Zoey jokes. For instance, Zoey came up several times last night in a game of Cranium Doodle Tales.

Back to the negative side, Zoey’s teeth are not in good shape. He’s going in for a dental cleaning on Thursday, and they may have to remove some more teeth. This is bad for two reasons: one, pulling cat teeth costs a good sum of money; two, I would have to explain to people that my cat has diabetes and will soon need dentures.

Anyway, we’re hoping Zoey’s alright. At least we can all have a good laugh at his expense.

Disclaimer: The Zoey-colored car will not try to break into my room at night, and there’s no guarantee that I will write more funny blog posts about that than any of the other cars.

Well, those folks in Japan have done it again! They’ve created a robotic replacement for cats! See this informative video:

Buy one today!

We later read the packaging, and it said it was for animals up to 12 pounds. Zoey’s 12½. When you have to lose weight so that you look like jolly ol’ St. Nick, something is wrong.