I got home close to 6:30 tonight. Janelle was upstairs exercising, so I started cooking dinner. After she came down, she related to me that little Sherlock was hiding under the bed and wouldn’t come out. He’d been under there for at least an hour, since he was under there when Janelle got home. Nothing to be really concerned about, though, so we just shrugged our shoulders, said, “Whatever!” and went about our business.

Two hours and one long phone call with Mina later, I get off the phone and start talking to Janelle, and she remembers, “Where’s Sherlock?” It was 8:30 at this point, so I decided to go check on him in case he was hurt or anything.

Sure enough, he was still under the bed, looking around as if some fierce creature had been stalking him. I pet him for a bit, but he kept looking around. Then, I felt it: a rough patch under his arm that didn’t really feel like fur. No, it wasn’t poop that had somehow made its way up to his arm. My first thought was that it was dried blood from some sort of epic kitty battle. I pulled him out without too much protest and discovered that he had somehow wrapped a plastic shopping bag around his entire body. He was probably playing with it, got it wrapped around his body, and then started walking off when he heard a rustling behind him so he took off running and the rustling got louder and followed him everywhere he went. He was probably under the bed for at least four hours.

I tore the bag off of him, but not before Janelle and I laughed our asses off at his misfortune. I think he’s chowing down on food and water right now. I really wish I had some video of the events leading up to him hiding under the bed. This is why I need a video camera in my house.

If you don’t know, my work requires me to occasionally create banner ads for schools. Most of the time, these are rather dry, but we ran across a client that actually wants to use some out-of-the-box ideas. Here’s the banner ad I sent them. Yes, that’s right—Zoey made the design for my most recent banner ad. He’s a celebrity now. Get in line if you’d like to shake his paw.

As promised, here’s the video of us brushing Zoey’s teeth:

Not quite as exciting as I originally thought, but now you can say you know what it looks like.

Last week, I went to the dentist and found out I have two cavities. I went in on Tuesday to get them filled. They were, unfortunately, between my molars, so they had to wedge a piece of metal between them to work on them. Pretty serious stuff. I brought my Zune, though, and listened to Owl City’s “Dental Care” while I was worked on. I found this amusing.

Anyway, that story is boring. What’s fun is that Zoey also had some dental work done this week. He had one tooth pulled entirely, and we found out we’re going to have to brush his teeth once a day for the rest of his life.

Exciting. Expect a video.

Anyway, we were surprised when we took him out of the crate to find that the vet’s office had dressed him up a bit. He’s still kind of drugged, so I don’t think he’s even noticed that it’s there. We’ll see how long that lasts.

It’s been a few days since I got it, but I have my new car. It’s time for the big reveal on the color. Are you ready? Drum roll please…

Click here for the results!

Earlier this week, I took Franny and Zoey to the vet for their annual check-up and some routine shots. In the middle of the day, the vet called with some bad news: Zoey is a fatass. You may not be surprised by this news, but it’s official now that it’s coming from a medical professional. We even got a doctor’s note. In fact, they said that if we don’t watch Zoey’s weight, he’s going to get kitty diabetes. This would be bad for two reasons: one, we would have to give Zoey insulin shots for the rest of his life; two, I would have to explain to people that my cat got so fat that he gave himself diabetes and we now give him insulin shots.

So we’re actually trying to exercise Zoey now, since he spends approximately 95% of the time laying down, and we’re finding that he’s not quite as graceful as he used to be. We found and deployed his favorite toy: a stick with a string with a toy on the end. He’ll chase after that for a little while, and then eventually fall over. I am not making this up. He’ll then continue to try to grab the toy from the ground. That’s right: he won’t even get up. Sometimes he’ll even swat at the toy once or twice and then meow and run away, as if he’s actually afraid to exercise.

The positive side of this is that it opens the window for all kinds of Zoey jokes. For instance, Zoey came up several times last night in a game of Cranium Doodle Tales.

Back to the negative side, Zoey’s teeth are not in good shape. He’s going in for a dental cleaning on Thursday, and they may have to remove some more teeth. This is bad for two reasons: one, pulling cat teeth costs a good sum of money; two, I would have to explain to people that my cat has diabetes and will soon need dentures.

Anyway, we’re hoping Zoey’s alright. At least we can all have a good laugh at his expense.

Most of you probably knew that I’ve been trying to sell my old car. It was a bit of a fiasco (which involved, in part, driving over to our state capitol one morning), but I’ve finally done it. This leaves me carless. I’ve picked out a new car: a newer-model Chevy Malibu. I also narrowed it down to three colors: Franny-colored, Zoey-colored, and Sherlock-colored. I’ve already made my choice, but what do you, loyal readers, think I should get?

Disclaimer: The Zoey-colored car will not try to break into my room at night, and there’s no guarantee that I will write more funny blog posts about that than any of the other cars.

Thanks to Missy for this link.

Well, those folks in Japan have done it again! They’ve created a robotic replacement for cats! See this informative video:

Buy one today!

I don’t mean to brag, but my cats are actually pretty proficient hunters. Sherlock was kind enough to present me and Janelle with his latest kill. Here it is!

A little late to be posting this, but I have another video of Zoey. After Christmas, Target has crazy clearance on their Christmas items. As you may already know, we got some cat costumes for our kitties. This included a full Santa suit.

We later read the packaging, and it said it was for animals up to 12 pounds. Zoey’s 12½. When you have to lose weight so that you look like jolly ol’ St. Nick, something is wrong.