Here’s one for all of my grammar nerd friends: Reasoning with Vampires, a site which tears apart the Twilight series. An excerpt:
I was too terrified to close my eyes, though the cool forest air whipped around my face and burned them.
SYNTACTICAL AMBIGUITY
How many faces does Bella have?
Bella asked about Edward’s age; Edward dithered about telling her.
“I wonder if it will upset you,” he reflected to himself.
What just happened?
(a) Yes, Bella, he is talking to you. You can tell because he addressed you.
(b) Edward is addressing himself in second person, wondering if he’ll upset himself. He might be a little schizo. He does hear voices, after all.
(c) DAMNIT, STEPHENIE.
I’m probably geeking out a little too much over this, but I’ve read about six pages so far and I can’t stop reading it.
Exiting the supermarket today, I spied a license plate that simply said, “TOO GOD.” Let me use that in a sentence for you.
“Was that God? I don’t know… It was a little too God.”
That’s right. God is an adjective.
If you don’t know, my work requires me to occasionally create banner ads for schools. Most of the time, these are rather dry, but we ran across a client that actually wants to use some out-of-the-box ideas. Here’s the banner ad I sent them. Yes, that’s right—Zoey made the design for my most recent banner ad. He’s a celebrity now. Get in line if you’d like to shake his paw.
Those who know me probably know that I’m not a big fan of pop culture, including pop music and anything sold at Abercrombie & Fitch. But one thing everyone should know about me is that I am, above all things, a big believer in balance—I scarcely subscribe to extremes and find that truth usually lies somewhere in-between them. So let me take this moment to say that I hate pop music and ultra-trendy clothes, but I also hate hipsters. Now, I can’t claim to be completely different than hipsters—I own a Three Wolf Moon shirt, I frequent thrift stores to find good clothes, and I was actually shocked to discover that some people think Vampire Weekend and Ra Ra Riot sound alike—but hipsters hit a level I don’t even want to approach.
The really hilarious part is that most hipsters don’t even know what they’re talking about. Sure, they know musical trivia and the history of lomography, but they can’t grasp the cornerstone of their pretentious ideology: irony. There, I said it. Hipsters don’t understand irony.
Of course, I’m not the first person to say this. In fact, this guy said it so well that I’m just going to let you read his article. Seriously, go read it.
Seriously, we need to offer some free elementary business classes so these people understand that bands sell out because they’re sick of eating at McDonalds. Also, choosing to abandon something simply because pop culture supports it is just another way of letting the mindless masses control what you think. Think for yourselves, hipsters! And stop dressing like homeless people!
