I’m addicted to Yahoo Answers. I get on, and I realize, All of these people need my advice! I am determined to help all of them, no matter how banal or stupid they may be. Here are some of my latest exploits on Yahoo Answers:

“Riddle please help me solve it ”
“What is this glass ceiling feminists talk about?”
“Christians: is this a sign?”
“Super difficult riddle. I can’t handle it.”
“When someone shouts out, ‘that’s what she said,’ who is she and why has she got so much to say?”
“In old legends, what are some of the things werewolves hated the most other than silver and vampires?”

So, as you can see, I’m helping people left and right. I’m almost a level two answerer, which means I’ll soon be able to cast magic missile. (I think. I’m a little unsure on what that actually does.)

I just checked my e-mail for Dogs on Skateboards, my joke site. I got three e-mails asking for advice on what equipment to use (pretty standard), one e-mail asking me to post of video of their dog (at least expected), and then a real gem that is quite possibly the best e-mail I have ever received. Rather than explain the e-mail, here it is in its entirety:

Hi Curtis,

Sorry to email out of the blue… I work for Talkbackthames on ITV1′s hit entertainment show ‘Britain’s Got Talent’, which is now back for a forth series. The show gives people and animals the opportunity to showcase their talents in front of a panel of three judges (Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan and Amanda Holden). The last series was watched by nearly 20 million viewers and is hailed as one of the most successful talent shows
of this century.

The show is open to absolutely anyone – any talent, any age – and over the past three years we’ve had a huge variety of acts. This year we are really keen to showcase gifted animals… there is always space for animal acts on the show, which the judges and audience love to see. I came across your skateboarding dogs website online and would really like to get in contact with some dogs who skateboard in the UK. I would really appreciate it if you could point me in the right direction and put me in contact with any skateboarding dogs you know of in Britain?

Over the last three years we have had a singer, dancer and dance group win and although they were extremely talented there may be more unusual talent in Britain that could benefit from the opportunities they have, namely a grand prize of £100,000 and the chance to perform at The Royal Variety show in front of Her Majesty the Queen.

We are auditioning up and down the country over the next couple of months and wouldn’t want you them to miss the opportunity. You can contact me on this email or call – XXXX XXX XXXX.

Many thanks and I look forward to hearing from you.

Louise Major
Researcher
Britain’s Got Talent 4

Unfortunately, the e-mail was sent back in October, otherwise I would respond to it. I don’t know what I’d do if they mentioned the site on the air—it’s not like there’s much to do there.

So that’s my latest brush with fame. Visit the site and share it with friends!

Lindsey, one of my employees, sent out her latest design to me and fellow manager Nick asking for feedback. I gave her some feedback, including this:

I think the users need something they can connect with on the form. I’m thinking a penguin. Could you make a penguin holding a little pennant that says, “College is cool”? I think this will speak well to the young, hip generation. The pennant should be red.

Nick came back with this:

Brandon, not sure on the penguin – but if you have any supporting data that penguins indeed drive lead volume, then I will relent.

To which I replied:

Here’s the supporting data. So you can imagine what we could do with the pennant!

I’m waiting for the perfect opportunity to use this image.

I’ve talked a bit before about autotuner. I always love creative uses of it, as long as it’s not crappy pop music. Anyway, there’s a group now committed to autotuning the news on YouTube. I thought I’d post a clip that I found amusing.

I’m getting ready to leave the following note on Liz’s desk:

Dear Liz –

The Kingdom of PPC Development hereby grants you this designer paper clip and tiny pad of Post-It notes as a peace offering in light of the events that transpired during Friday’s webinar. Curtis Hornbuckle, our court jester, has been flogged for this offense. We sincerely hope that our gift of one designer paper clip and tiny pad of Post-It notes will ensure a friendship between our two kingdoms for years to come.

Give my regards to Duchess Erica! [Liz's manager]

Brandon Gregory
The Duke of PPC Dev

We’ve been doing webinars lately to help our affiliates transition over to the new system. I was light on work today, and I found out that my dear friend Liz was going to be leading the webinar, so I couldn’t resist logging in as Curtis Hornbuckle and having a little fun. This happened in the chat window:

Curtis Hornbuckle
I am qwrite for the getting leadforms in xml. is this posible?
If I in xml format the leadform acciedentally?
API is ready yes yes?

Host
This is not something available right now but it could be in the future.

Curtis Hornbuckle
The future of leadforms?

Host
No no it is not ready.

Curtis Hornbuckle
leadforms are not ready?
Put a shoe on head

Host
Put a shoe in your mouth!

Curtis Hornbuckle
Put shoe on head and I will get you the leads!

Host
Looks like you need more work.

Curtis Hornbuckle
Oh, uhhh… What are you talking about?
I will go get you some leads!