So, I have these weird dreams from time to time. Well, not too weird, in the grand scheme of things. I dream that I’m losing my teeth. It’s not like I’m older and they fall out naturally. They just fall out. I usually notice that one of them is lose, and before you know it, bam, it’s out and I’m holding it in my hand wondering what went wrong. I’ve had a dream like that about eight times this year that I can remember, which means I’ve probably had a few more as well.

I thought this had to be significant in some way, so I decided to do a little research. I did some research on a few different sites, and found out that losing teeth in dreams is a sign of anxiety. I might feel I’m losing control, or that I feel misunderstood by those close to me, or that I’m self conscious about my appearance. All of these might be true.

I guess the reason I’m so scared of all of those things, though, is that, for the first time in my life, I really do feel in control of myself and my life. I’m scared of slipping back into being at the whim of my moods, being misunderstood by those around me, and being self conscious about everything. It’s not a place I like to be.

So, in honor of my hang-ups, I’m posting a song to help you, my readers, get through your own dark spots. Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Maria Bamford.

I thought hard about posting something this stupid on my blog. I mean, I have this smart guy image to uphold. But I’ve watched this three times now and I keep laughing at it, so I feel I owe it to you, my readers, to post it here.

In the spirit of my original Dennis the Menace comics with Hannibal Lecter quotes, I bring you Lockhorns comics with quotes from Twilight. Same concept. Different content. Here are some of my favorites:

• Comic 1
• Comic 2
• Comic 3
• Comic 4
• Comic 5

This is a random generator, so if you don’t like one that you land on, you can hit the refresh link to get a new one.

(Links to music videos on YouTube.)

• Florence and the Machine
• Ra Ra Riot
• Ramona Falls

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m a category manager for an emotional health site online. (I manage the section on bipolar disorder.) I’ve done a few blog posts, written up briefs and linked to a few articles, and written a few of my own. I only just got started, so I’m still adding more content every two weeks or so.

If you guys have any burning questions about bipolar disorder, let me know and I’ll put in the research and do an article on it. Feel free to e-mail me if you don’t want to post the question publicly.

I recently received this e-mail at work, which was sent to the management team:

Hey guys,

I’m trying to get a feel for the structure of each team’s regular team meetings.

What do the meetings consist of?
Examples: continuing education for your team, cross training with another team, updates on client projects, etc.

If you could send me any feedback on the frequency and structure of these meetings so that I can get a gauge of this, that would be great.

Thanks,
Joe

Here is my reply:

Hey Joe –

Good questions. My team meetings are held on dates one less than multiples of three if said date is on a work day and not on a Friday. To formalize the tone of the meetings, all speech is in Latin, excepting readings from the ancient web design texts, which are in the original Greek. On odd-numbered dates, we discuss web design topics (we discuss front-end design on prime-numbered dates and development on all other dates), and on even-numbered dates, we talk about why we are here, with a focus on Existential freedom (mainly Sartre, but we delve into some Kierkegaard from time to time). All discussion of Hegel is disallowed, and discussion of any of the other Idealist philosophers is frowned upon.

We’ve also held special meetings lately to talk about the ontological impact of the Postmodern shift on the career college industry, with specific regards to Kierkegaard and gunsmithing. No official conclusions have been drawn, as we encourage each employee to exercise his or her individual freedom and choose an outcome for himself or herself.

I hope this helps.

- Brandon Gregory

Sometimes Yahoo Answers amazes me. Here is an actual question from Yahoo Answers:

Can your baby get pregnant if you have sex while pregnant? like if you are pregnant with a baby girl, and you have sex while you are pregnant, can the sperm go up in there and impregnate the baby?

Yes, someone actually asked that question. And people actually answered. Here are some of my favorite responses:

(winning answer) The baby can get pregnant only if it’s a female. If you suspect that your baby is pregnant, try not to have sex again. You run the risk of getting your baby’s baby pregnant and that can lead to complications like an infinite loop.

The answer is yes. Also, if you’re pregnant with a baby boy and a baby girl, then they too can copulate and impregnate each other. If you’re pregnant with a baby boy, it’s highly likely that the baby boy will impregnate you again and you’ll have babies at different stages in the womb…semi fraternal twins. Careful though, if the baby boy fathers a fetal girl, he will try to impregnate her as well.

Don’t listen to these people – they’re trying to set you up. The answer is yes, it can get pregnant. When this happens – the baby doesn’t get born the natural way. It will eject out of your stomach (or sometimes out of your chest). This is because there is not enough room for 2 babies to be born the natural way (when one baby is inside another). With twins/triplets its ok. Giving birth this way is extremely painful, and is usually fatal. If you’ve ever seen the movie Aliens – its a bit like that. Its called a cesarean gastro birth. Ask your doctor about it. That’s why you sometimes see women with huge scars up their stomachs. Its where the skin split and the baby ejected from.

YES!!!! It so happens that I am pregnant at the moment and me an my partner had sex on a few occasions, now my baby is pregnant with twins and is only 3 weeks behind me for the birth we are all very excited , some more great news is as I have been eating alot of sushi all 3 babies have a high chance of speaking fluent Japanese.

IT ABSOLUTELY CAN! I am a baby. I’m 7 months old and 6 months pregnant. My father is the baby’s daddy and my mom is going to be a grandma 10 months having her first kid. Do you understand what kind of strain this puts on me? I’m going to have to bypass my whole education! I’ve been working drive-thru @ Burger King since I was 3 months old! WTF FML.

Not only that, but if the baby is male, he will be made gay if you have sex with a man while you are pregnant with him.

How old are you? Do not reproduce.

Yes… but ONLY if you’re having sex with Chuck Norris.