Janelle and I are working with our finances. I’m going to save you a lot of trouble by passing on my knowledge to you.

401k – Short for 401,000, which is how much you’ll be spending on gas each year when you’re 65. Basically, the more money you put into this, the more money you’ll make, and the more you’ll be able to drive when you’re older and retired.

IRA – The Irish Roasters Association—a small but affluent group of coffee growers on the Emerald Isle. If you won’t invest in your future, please, invest in the coffee.

Credit – Contrary to what you might think, college credits can actually be traded for real, live credit. Make sure to talk to your guidance counselor about this before graduating.

Insurance – This is a legal way of gambling over your own health. Unfortunately, the house always wins. Unfortunately, you will get sick.

EBITDA – Earnings Before Tramps, Drugs, and Alcohol. Accountants will tell you this means something else for obvious reasons.

That’s actually all I know about finances.

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